Having a handsome baby boy come into my life has been such a blessing but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been hard!
Disclaimer: this is a bit of a long story.
When Marcel was born my husband, mother, oldest sister and nephews were all at the hospital with me. Having two seasoned mothers there I was much less afraid of the birth, even when I had to have a c-section. On the way back to the recovery room I felt so proud and extremely excited to be a mother.
The first four days my mother stayed with us, it was great bonding time for all of us. Then the next week Vincent’s mom, dad and three of his siblings stayed with us, we went on walks almost everyday and had some of his aunts and uncles visit during this time. Everything felt easy-breezy with all the helpers!
At the end of that week when they left one of his sisters got to stay back with us for a few more weeks. This was a huge help because she would hold him and play with him during the day so I could get chores done and a little alone time. Her and I also really bonded during this time so I felt extra special. Sadly it did have to come to an end and she went back to her parents house.
Now comes the interesting part, Marcel was one month old now and growing so fast. Vincent is back at work now working day shifts and a few evening shifts. Being alone during the day didn’t seem so bad to me, I did struggle a little but was enjoying myself. Then September came around and Vincent had to switch to overnight shifts making our schedules complete opposites. I would wake up when he got home at 7 AM, we would sit up together for an hour then he would go to bed and I would start my day. However I would really just sit in the living room with Marcel sleeping on my lap while I played on my phone to stay quiet. This caused some issues.
Sitting silently with a sleeping baby I felt like there was a bomb strapped to me. I felt like I just couldn’t move. It gave me a lot of bonding time with Marcel but it also let me mind wander. My thoughts were anxious and emotional. I would go from being afraid he wasn’t eating enough to being annoyed at how often he would eat and then furious that I couldn’t clean the house to devastated that I wasn’t able to do it by myself.
After a few weeks of these emotions making me feel like I was loosing control and I decided to take back control. I started putting Marcel on a more strict bedtime routine which also put me in a routine, switched to taking my anxiety medication to night instead of morning (which I have been on for a few years but had been more lax since giving birth), checked out a few books on postpartum mood disorders from the library to educate myself and spoke to Vincent about how we can help each other.
It has only been about a week since I started this routine and it has already helped immensely. I still have many steps to overcome this new form of anxiety/depression and plan to share those steps with those who will listen.
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